Life Coaching

My background, and some thoughts on Life Coaching...

The word “Coaching” can conjure all sorts of images in our minds, not all of them pleasant or positive. I am seeking to not only help you to meet your specific need, but also to help you benefit in other ways. As a Life Coach I aim to create an environment which is invigorating and fulfilling.

We all have enormous potential, much of which is usually underused. I would like to help you develop your abilities and your coaching will be designed in a holistic manner - you will learn things that will not only help with your specific need, but which can also be used in your work and other aspects of your personal life. I will seek to make the coaching as relevant, interesting and pleasant as possible.

I will now relate some personal experiences, which I hope will illustrate some key principles of personal growth and an effective life.

When I was very young, a child, an adolescent and even into my twenties, I suffered from very severe emotional, psychological & spiritual abuse/neglect. This caused me all sorts of problems including depression, an inability to relate to people, severe introversion, poor self esteem, irrational & reckless behaviour. All in all it had a very destructive effect. Many who know me today would have no idea of what I was like, and perhaps some would even have trouble believing what I have said.

So, how have I managed to overcome the problems I had and how is it relevant to the coaching program?

Well, I certainly wasn’t Superman – I was a mess and basically couldn’t think straight. I searched for answers and discovered key principles – I had the personal experience of “rebuilding” my mind with these. So I know they work. In some respects this is an involved subject and I will not delve too deeply here, however many of these principles can be applied to the coaching environment.

A key thing I discovered is that I was actually a worthwhile and valuable person – not because of any ability or other “measure”, but because I was a person. I deserved to be valued. I realised though that most people couldn’t care less about me, especially if I had problems! “They” were not going to change. I learned that the thing that could change was how I viewed myself. I had been conditioned to think that I was no good and not worth loving. That was how I saw myself deep inside. Because I saw myself that way I continued to see myself in that light, behaving and thinking accordingly, which helped me to become……..an %$#@*&.

So, it was up to me to change. Others weren’t going to change and they certainly weren’t going to be able to change me. I guess that encouraged me to realise that I had to take personal responsibility for the change in my life.  I had had so much rubbish in my life that I was only interested in things that really worked – and I knew that they had better be very good, nothing less would solve my problems.

Another thing that hit me was that whilst I was academically inclined & qualified, I didn’t know a lot of the stuff that really mattered. I could see too that if I thought I knew the answer I would carry on the same old way.

I had to open my mind and habits to new ways of doing things.

Negativity was another problem area – I had done loads of negative thinking and it was getting me nowhere fast. It had many guises – hanging onto blame for the people who mistreated me for example. Whilst I was busy blaming I wasn’t going anywhere. Negative thoughts were a blockage to progress – life is full of examples where a change of thinking from negative to positive has made a huge difference. We will all recall the positivity of top athletes and sportsmen and women.

“Comfort zones” were a problem – it took effort to step outside the boundaries – to stretch and grow. Sport is yet another example of this principle in action.

I was also worried about making mistakes – but mistakes are part of progress. If I was not making mistakes I wasn’t really trying – I certainly wasn’t making any headway. Making a mistake didn’t mean I was no good.

Another key thing I realised was the power of faith, which is of course related to positive thinking. I am not speaking here of religious faith, but a decision to believe that change was not only possible, but that it would result in real and lasting benefits.

As time passed I became increasingly aware that there was a lot more to the mind that I realised, and that I could take “shortcuts” in my quest for progress by learning from others – their mistakes, successes and so on. I studied many books, listened to all kinds of successful people and did various courses too. A key facet of all this was keeping a humble mindset – being willing to learn, and to let go of sometimes deeply entrenched beliefs.

My value and consideration for others started to improve, particularly as I gradually learned of my own value. And that was another point, much of what was happening was gradual. If I fell down, I picked myself up again and pushed on. Sometimes things looked as if they were getting worse – a key analogy is learning touch typing for example. When one learns, initially the typing is slower. One continues because one knows that with practice, the effort will be worthwhile and so much time will be saved in the long run. So, here faith and practice are combined. Practice also helps to break habits – we all have habits that will initially be resistant to change. Top sportspeople all train regularly and they are at the pinnacle of their fields.

And have I “arrived” today? No, in fact more than ever, I am aware of the continual journey onwards. I find life so exciting and rewarding now. I appreciate it when someone helps me, shows me a better way. I like myself today and do not feel threatened when told I am “wrong”. And here’s something that makes me chuckle – imagine if someone nastily criticises me and there is an element of truth in it. They think they are making me feel uncomfortable etc – what they don’t know is that I look at the criticism, extract any truth in it and use that as a stimulus for further growth. A different way of looking at the world, but then we all have a choice. Problems will always happen. It is what we do with it that matters, and only we can decide. So every day I make a decision to try and see the best and derive the most out of every situation.

I have only scratched the surface with the above – life is full of exciting possibilities and I will do all I can to help you to improve not only your specific need, but if you wish, your life in general.

As a postscript, today I genuinely feel sorry for the people who mistreated me – not in a condescending or patronising way – they are suffering terribly and have empty “souls” because of the way they think. Whilst I would never want to go through it again, I am actually very grateful now because I was able to derive such good and learn so much from the experience of overcoming it all. So, in an unexpected way I am actually thankful for these people. I guess when I realised that I felt that way, I really knew I was healed.